A Night Like This One

I wanted to cry but I can’t.

It felt like a playground with no children,like a canvass painted with black,like a deep well but empty.
This is again one of the longest nights of my life.

The sky is starry,but my eyes are blurry. The crickets are singing. They said, its a lullaby at night,but all I can hear is a hymn of a mourning song.
I planned to runaway but I was caught in the middle of the night. My mind wanders but I was stuck in this thought. My heart is tired, it can’t beat no more for the same reason. My muscles are trembling. I can feel an ice cold breeze. I am shivering even I already covered myself with blanket. I wanted to convince myself that it was the weather,but I nearly forgot we only have two seasons,not even a single snowflake comes down on my window. I tried to find reasons why suddenly this chaotic nightmare visited me.

Im trying to elaborate my literary piece,but all I can write are sad letters. This thing that distracting me are blocking the creativeness,the soul and colors of the letters. I kept on writing. I am digging deeper on my vocabulary,wishing somehow I can find a happy letters to insert in this piece. But it was like finding needle in a haystack. I tried to close my notepad and just give up on writing. No! I can’t give up, I need to give some good vibes in here. I need to fight whatever is bugging me. Did I left somewhere my happiness? Did I let someone handle it and unintendedly lost it?

I stop struggling and denying…and then I whisper to myself, “maybe you’re just nervous,or maybe pressured for the upcoming event or you’re just insomniac”…but a voice,sounds tearfully, echoed in my room,it is coming from a hollow part of my left chest and it says…

No, I’m just terribly hurting.

-Ciciibelle

Life At First Flight

Fluffy clouds,birds-eye-view landscapes,the never ending sounds of the engine,the flight attendant assisting,seatbelts clicking,boys and girls chatting,lovers murmuring,cameras shuttering…this are some of the things I noticed from my first fly. But there is more than that…


This is what I really like about traveling-for a moment you can escape from the busy,materialistic world and have a chance to see clearly there’s more about life.Traveling is an addiction you can’t escape from once you start loving it. Some call it travel bug bites.

Reverse nostalgia- this is the first thing came in my mind when the plane started to take off. Im in the moment that I will later feel nostalgic for. I experienced intense feeling when the plane started to lift. And then my mind started to travel also…

Traveling makes your mind wander. Have you ever experience that? While you are traveling,your mind also comes out from its deepest hideout. While watching the beautiful scenery on the road or the fluffy clouds you can see outside your window, you are there sitting,seatbelt buckled, replaying your favorite memories in life, creating moments in your mind that you wanted to happen or imagining yourself in a scenario. Me? If you asked me where I wander in my deepest thought at my first flight? I went where I can evaluate the life I had before this very moment. I took the chance to talk to myself. What are the things I can still add to fulfill my soul. What are the things I can change to be better than I was yesterday? I replay the moments where i should and shouldn’t be. I keep asking myself,is it the life I planned to take? Am I really happy? Did I make the best decisions in my life? Will I regret so many things when I get old if I remain like this? Too many questions running on my mind at that moment. I kept it flowing. I let myself drowned in the stream of thoughts.

I am watching the sky. The stars are twinkling,still too far to touch even I am thousands of feet above the ground. Beneath us,all I can see are the lights of the city of our destination. I am still wondering how will I start changing things in my life.

And the plane started to touchdown… as if saying “girl wake up,this is your chance,when this travel ends you’ll be a different person”… 

And then I unbuckled my seatbelt…

-ciciibelle